Red
by wordsandtea
Summary: The weird thing with Rin and Haru was that, no matter what happened, no matter how far both of their paths separated from being anywhere as close to each other – they did not care at all. They clashed, they fought, and they crashed and broke down at each other but when red and blue collided once more, eventually, the sky exploded in violet and gold.


**Red**

The weird thing with Rin and Haru was that, no matter what happened, no matter how far both of their paths separated from being anywhere as close to each other – they did not care at all. They clashed, they fought, and they crashed and broke down at each other but after some time, a few days or weeks or sometimes even years, the fragile string of destiny pulled them together again and when red and blue collided once more, eventually, the sky exploded in violet and gold.

But even though he knew this was going to happen, Rin couldn't help but to feel entirely defeated when Harus words came rushing back into his mind, like always, to hurt him again and again, leaving him hopelessly wounded.

He remembered everything from the beginning, which took place a few weeks after Haru offered him to join the relay of the Iwatobi High School Swimming Team.

"Oi, Haru." The black-haired boy had stopped walking. Instead, as Rin turned around to see what had stolen his attention, he glared to the right, where the ocean's waves rushed to the small brickstone wall of the harbour in a beautiful rage just to break at the stones and flow back to where they belonged.

"Rin..." It wasn't more than a whisper, a breath dressed in the letters of the only one who had been determined enough to find a way into his heart, and to stay there no matter what. Haruka parted his lips slightly, but his breath trembled and Rin walked closer to him, gently placing one hand on his shoulder. Rin froze when Harus eyes shot up to him, electrifying blue windows mirroring his soul.

He was frozen by the invisible fire in between the both of them, unable to move for seconds. Then, when Haru's warm tender palm touched his cheeks hesitantly, he finally leaned in closer to bridge over the few centimetres dividing him and his fate, and as their lips touched he knew he was completely lost.

Soft, warm, gentle, tender. He remembered how Haru's lips tasted like chlorine and salt, like the wind howling over the sea and he backed away, too stunned to say a single word. Blue eyes fixated on nothing but him, hands shaking and lips so close to him. How could he ever have resisted?

Their lips collided again, harsher this second time, as if they wanted to make up for all this time they had wasted with ignoring and fighting each other, and to be completely honest, Rin did want to make up for all of that.

 _Loving him was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street_.

Rin forgot everything around him, the ocean, the cold wind he felt through his clothes, he didn't even knew what they had been talking about earlier anymore. His hands found their way into Haruka's beautiful black hair while Haru pressed his body closer to Rins; he could feel the beating heart of the other and the gentle shudder seizing the blue-eyed boy. It was this small, fierce moment that let Rin's heart explode whenever he remembered it, wherever he was, and it still never ceased to fill him with the hot bonfire of fervour, guilt and regret.

 _Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly_.

Haruka backed off precipitously, his bright cobalt eyes glaring at him in the most puzzled way, but his lips, oh his wonderful pale warm lips, kept shut. Rin knew that he had to say something now, or do something, anything, because Haru never would. But what do you say when you had already expressed everything you wanted? What sounds do your lips form when words were only syllables that are forced together to make the slightest sense?

He shook his head to sort the incredible mess that was his brain. It wasn't only that, wasn't it? If he said it now, spoke clearly and just said what he wanted to say ever since they first met, it would become too real, too inevitable. Feel something; it follows you around wherever you are going. But as soon as you say it out loud – you have to face it.

Rin's eyes met those of Haruka again, and the faintest smile curved the corners of his mouth upwards. It never really had been questionable.

 _Loving him was like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall_.

But you couldn't.

"Love ya", he finally beamed, grinning like the idiot he apparently was.

Rin smiled as he remembered how Haru's face lit up, how the boy pecked his cheek and whispered the words that would be carved inside of his head forever. "Love you too."

The late evening sun, a bleeding red light melting at the horizon, coloured the edges of his hair in yellow, orange, and it were the most beautiful colours Rin could think of.

 _Like the colours of autumn, so bright, right before they lose it all_.

His smile slowly faded like a dried-out leave loses its paint. He had admired the time they have had, the jokes they had laughed about, the sleepovers and the three-hours-long breakfast and the cuddling and all this time they spent together, together, always together. When he thought of it now, it seemed so distant, almost like a dream, because he never wondered when he would wake up. But now that he found himself in the eye of an imploding tempest, he knew he woke up.

He remembered watching Haru dive in seconds too late. The boy's movements were slow, not stealing his heart but wrecking it to pieces this time. He remembered how he felt so incredibly lost when Haruka Nanase stopped and rested his feet on the ground, how it felt like falling through an eternal hole of nightmares.

And he remembered their fight. Of course he did. Haru, calm and stoic and collected Haru, and he snapped. His world had crumbled in this exact moment. Haru's eyes, the storm they carried with them. He got lost in the blue, expecting Haruka to catch him as he fell, but the person he trusted most left him there, in the dark, cold blue of his eyes.

And if anyone ever asked him what it felt like, how losing him felt, he'd answer,

" _Losing him was blue like I'd never known_ ".

Even though he didn't want to, he really didn't, he could still see him as he closed his eyes – it was the image of Haru walking away, engraved there forever like a cruel reminder that he had lost the only being that had always mattered more than he could express. He could hear him saying, "I swim for myself and for my friends", and then he walked away from him, to Makoto and Nagisa and Rei, like he wanted to show Rin that he was no longer one of them. The colour faded when the blue-eyed boy turned his back to him, leaving him in despair.

 _Missing him was dark grey all alone_.

A fist clenched into his shirt right over where his heart sent waves of pain and lost through his very body with every single beat, a single, salty tear burnt its way over his cheek. He didn't want to remember anymore. Why did he keep thinking of everything that had happened, why did he even keep thinking of _him_? Him, who hadn't answered his texts and his calls and didn't open his door when he knocked, him who he still admired so much. Forgetting him was impossible as long as he still felt anything for him.

 _Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met_.

And oh, how much he still felt for him.

The one last trembling gasp of hope that they would approach each other again fainted more and more with every passing hour, even though they had always found a way to get close again, no matter how hard they crashed. Yet, as the dark voice inside of Rins head repeated over and over again, they never crashed as hard as they did now.

He missed the blue colour of his eyes. He missed the grey that embraced him when he left, because everything was better than the black darkness of trying to forget.

 _But_ , oh, _loving him was red._

And he didn't regret a single bit.

* * *

 _Lyrics: Red - Taylor Swift_

* * *

I hope you enjoyed it! Was quite fun to write.

Reviews are welcomed.


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